When Your Kid Calls and Says, “I Think I Made a Mistake” — How to Help Without Hitting the Panic Button

So, you’ve just gotten “that” call. Your college freshman is on the other end of the line, feeling stressed, overwhelmed, and saying they think they made a mistake choosing this school or is homesick. They want to come home, right now.

First things first: take a deep breath. This kind of call is actually super common! Here’s how to help your kid work through those doubts without jumping straight to packing their bags.

1. Just Listen—Seriously

When your kid is freaking out, it’s natural to want to jump in and fix it. But right now, they might just need someone to vent to. Try to hold back on giving advice at first. Instead, let them talk, cry, and get it all out. Saying something like, “I’m here, tell me everything,” can go a long way. Simply listening can help them feel understood without feeling like they’re letting you down.

2. Ask What’s Really Bothering Them

Gently dig a little deeper to find out what’s really behind their “I made a mistake” feeling. Is it homesickness? Academic stress? Roommate drama? Once you know the root cause, you’ll have a better idea of how to help. Questions like, “What’s been the hardest part?” or “Is there anything you do like about campus?” can help get to the heart of the issue.

3. Remind Them That Adjustment Takes Time

Starting college is a HUGE life change. It’s normal to feel out of place in those first few weeks (or even months). Let them know that most freshmen go through this phase. They’re not alone, and it doesn’t mean college isn’t for them. Sometimes, just hearing “this is totally normal” can make them feel less overwhelmed.

4. Bring Up Their “Why”

Help them reconnect with why they chose this school in the first place. Was it the program? The campus vibe? The scholarships? Sometimes, remembering what drew them there can help them feel a little more grounded and remind them of their goals.

5. Point Them to Campus Resources

Remind them that there’s help on campus! From counseling services to tutoring and clubs, colleges are packed with resources to make the transition easier. Suggest they talk to a counselor or academic advisor before making any major decisions. This can help them feel like they’re not tackling everything alone.

6. Suggest a Trial Period

Encourage them to give it a little more time before deciding. Maybe suggest sticking it out until midterms or the end of the semester. Setting a “check-in” point can make things feel more manageable and gives them a goal to work toward without feeling trapped. I always say take baby steps towards your goal.

7. Discuss Alternatives (Without Pushing Them)

If they’re really miserable, it’s okay to talk about other options—like transferring, taking a gap year, or even attending community college. But try not to frame it as “the escape plan.” Just let them know that these are possibilities if things don’t improve. It can take the pressure off while still encouraging them to give college a fair shot.

8. Encourage Them to Get Involved

A lot of times, that “I made a mistake” feeling or homesickness comes from feeling disconnected. Encourage them to join a club, go to campus events, or just introduce themselves to a few classmates. Finding their people—even if it’s just one friend—can make campus life feel way more bearable.

9. Share Your Own Struggles

If you’ve ever gone through something similar, share your story! Knowing that you had rough times and made it through can give them hope. It might make them feel a little stronger to know that they’re not alone in facing challenges.

10. Reassure Them That Home Will Always Be There

Let them know they’re always welcome home, but encourage them to stick it out for a while. Just knowing they have a safe place to land can help them feel less “stuck” and more able to focus on finding their way in college.

I know it’s tough hearing that your kid is struggling, but this is just part of the journey. With your support, they’ll have the courage to face these challenges head-on, and it might just make them more resilient in the long run. And remember, even if college doesn’t end up being the right fit, you’ll figure out the next steps together. For now, give them the reassurance they need to push through—your calm confidence in them can go a long way!